


day 4: truth spell

by Sang_argente



Series: wincest love week 2016 [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6018670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sang_argente/pseuds/Sang_argente
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>the days passed and with every few days sam was hit with that urge. that urge that was slowly letting out all of his secrets, all the things he kept locked away in the back of his mind, never to be thought about let alone talked about with his brother. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	day 4: truth spell

it started so slowly that sam was unaware of what was happening until it was much too late to stop. he and dean had gone on a simple hunt that had turned out to be not so simple when a witch got involved. sam had been hit by a spell but they had killed the witch and, when nothing happened, dean declared sam clean and good to go.

that had been a little over a month ago. thinking back, sam could see when it had started but, when it had happened, he hadn’t noticed anything strange or out of the ordinary.

it had been just a few days after the incident with the witch, him and dean discussing possible cases over lunch in the bunker’s kitchen, when sam was hit with the irresistible urge to tell his brother something. anything. it just had to be the truth.

“y’know, it’s been a while since we took a vacation,” sam blurted out, flushing under his collar at dean’s shocked expression. “i just meant…there’s nothing that we really have to do. we could just…not do anything for a while.”

dean stared at his brother for a moment and then nodded slowly, excitement blooming in his eyes. “yeah, alright. we’ll take a vacation.”

“great,” sam replied, smiling falsely as he wondered, deep in the back of his mind, why he had said that. sure, they hadn’t had a vacation and sure, they could probably use one, but it was usually dean who suggested it. he shrugged and pushed the thought away. so he was enjoying time off, that wasn’t a crime.

three days later, sam was in the library reading a book that, for once, didn’t have anything to do with creatures or the hunting of when he was hit with that urge again. it wasn’t quite the same, a little more sudden and a little more powerful, but sam pulled out his phone and dialed dean anyway.

“sammy?” dean answered, a little confused as he had only just left the bunker to pick up some groceries.

“yeah, it’s me. i just…” sam trailed off, mind frantically searching for something to say, some truth to tell. the deeper, darker secrets were pushing to the front, eager to be let out, but sam bit his tongue to keep them inside. “i just wanted to tell you…tell you…we need more salt.”

dean let out a weak laugh. “really? that’s why you called?”

sam sighed, relief filling him as that urge went away. “yeah, that’s it.”

“you didn’t think i knew that?”

“just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget,” sam teased. “i know that happens sometimes at your age.”

“at my- whatever, bitch!”

“jerk,” sam whispered to the dead phone line, a smile on his face. it was fine, he told himself as he focused on his book, they really did need salt and dean really did forget sometimes. it was fine.

when a few days after that, vacation over and another ghost burned, sam told his brother he’d always enjoyed hunting with him and dean stared back with a mix of amazement and disbelief on his face, sam knew something was wrong. he turned away from dean and hurried back to their motel room, eager to get started on the research needed to stop this.

while he researched, the days passed and with every few days sam was hit with that urge. that urge that was slowly letting out all of his secrets, all the things he kept locked away in the back of his mind, never to be thought about let alone talked about with his brother. but he couldn’t stop himself, not yet, and ended up telling dean things he’d never meant to let slip. worse, the urges came faster and more frequently while the secrets got bigger and darker.

“i ran away to flagstaff for two weeks because i was scared of the looks dad’s hunting buddy was giving me.”

“i started dating jess after she punched me in the face and called me a creep.”

“i miss the visions.”

“i think i remember heaven from when i died in cold oak.”

“i was okay with drinking demon blood because i knew i was already poisoned.”

“i fucked ruby because it was the only time she stopped talking about saving you.”

“i enjoyed the feeling of killing lilith.”

“i almost said yes when lucifer first came to me.”

“i wanted to kill myself after famine.”

“i remember every minute of the cage, and of being soulless.”

“i miss being soulless, sometimes.”

“i hate castiel sometimes, too, for that.”

“i hate a lot of people, sometimes.”

“i hate myself all the time.”

with every secret that slipped out from between his clenched teeth, dean’s face would fall further and further while his lips faded into a tight pale line. sam could see the questions burning in those green eyes, the explanations that dean wanted to demand, but never did. dean never said anything, not until the most recent secret.

“i thought you were in heaven after dick exploded,” sam said quietly, not bothering to look up from his plate. he’d been pushing his salad around for twenty minutes, afraid that if he opened his mouth for food every secret left would tumble out. when dean started coughing pointedly, he gave into the urge. “i was actually headed to kill myself when i hit the dog and met amelia.”

“sammy…” dean croaked out as he dropped his burger, face ashen. “what?”

sam’s head snapped up and he stared at dean in horror, not able to stop the sudden flow of words. he could only watch as tears built in dean’s eyes and started to fall slowly.

“i was going to run the car into a wall, i think. i hit the dog and i was just going to leave it there, but something stopped me. i still don’t know what. i met amelia and slept with her because i didn’t know what else to do. every time i thought about leaving, about finishing what i started, i turned around and she was there. until she wasn’t. i was at the cabin to say goodbye to everything.”

dean had dropped his head into his hands at this point, shoulders shaking.

“i wanted to be with you, to see you again,” sam kept going, struggling to just shut up before he said the one thing that was not supposed to be said ever.

“sammy, why? why would you do that?” dean asked, bringing his head to stare at sam with watery green eyes. his face was a mess of tears and snot but he ignored it to focus on his brother.

“because i love you. i’m in love with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> like what you see? check out my [tumblr. ](http://stilesthesasswolf.tumblr.com)


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